Today Is a Bad Day
I’m feeling angry, agitated, frustrated which causes me to be cranky. I have an attitude and a tone that is not my normal happy self. “Where is this coming from?” I ask myself. Then I notice how those close to my mother are responding to her dying. Each one has a unique response – one gets emotional and cries, another feels ill, another steps into overdrive. I get cranky. Everyone close to my mom is being affected by her exit differently.
I’m grateful I am aware enough to observe this dynamic. I have often wondered why siblings fight over minutia when they lose a parent. And they criticize the actions of family members no matter what they do. Now I understand. Being cranky or complaining is how people express their feelings of loss and pain on an unconscious level. They are reacting to the withdrawal of an energy they were unconsciously benefiting from. They could also be reacting to the break in the energetic bond that is formed by family affection.
I first became aware of this energetic bond when I married a widower with two small children. Although outwardly in action and expression I was welcomed into the family as the “new” mom, there was an invisible bond between father and sons that could not be penetrated. I always felt outside the circle that securely bonded them as a unit of three. I entered the marriage 100% and it appeared that I was accepted 100%. But it was not so. Even after I legally adopted the two boys, whom I loved dearly, the original bond formed by their mom and dad could not be penetrated. There was no physical evidence of this, but I could feel it. I was on the outside of an invisible, impenetrable bond of three.
Now it’s my turn. I get to feel what it’s like to be part of a family bonded by love losing one of its members. I am actually surprised by my response. I am also surprised by the transparency that awareness allows me. I can see past the pettiness and infighting families engage in. I can’t stop it, but I can see it and understand it.
To truly understand how people react to losing a loved one, it has to be experienced. An integral part of life is the experience of loss. How we handle it is unique to each of us. The more awareness we have the more we realize our behavior is being influenced by our feelings of loss not so much by other people’s actions or non actions. Today I’m cranky. Tomorrow I may be sad or lethargic. I’m doing my best to just go with the flow, refrain from judging and hold compassion for everyone saying goodbye to my mom.
I am reminded of a line from Shakespeare’s play, As You Like It: “All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts…..” I wish my mom a timely exit. She was a sweet woman who loved and was loved by all who met her. She had a good life with dreams fulfilled and no regrets.
Until you return, fill your days with GIGGLES, JOY, and APPRECIATION!
SylviaSilk, D.D. Director of the Institute For Balanced Living, Los Angeles,CA, USA
DoctorofDivinity, SpiritualCoach, ReconnectiveHealingPractitioner, Writer
I’m grateful I am aware enough to observe this dynamic. I have often wondered why siblings fight over minutia when they lose a parent. And they criticize the actions of family members no matter what they do. Now I understand. Being cranky or complaining is how people express their feelings of loss and pain on an unconscious level. They are reacting to the withdrawal of an energy they were unconsciously benefiting from. They could also be reacting to the break in the energetic bond that is formed by family affection.
I first became aware of this energetic bond when I married a widower with two small children. Although outwardly in action and expression I was welcomed into the family as the “new” mom, there was an invisible bond between father and sons that could not be penetrated. I always felt outside the circle that securely bonded them as a unit of three. I entered the marriage 100% and it appeared that I was accepted 100%. But it was not so. Even after I legally adopted the two boys, whom I loved dearly, the original bond formed by their mom and dad could not be penetrated. There was no physical evidence of this, but I could feel it. I was on the outside of an invisible, impenetrable bond of three.
Now it’s my turn. I get to feel what it’s like to be part of a family bonded by love losing one of its members. I am actually surprised by my response. I am also surprised by the transparency that awareness allows me. I can see past the pettiness and infighting families engage in. I can’t stop it, but I can see it and understand it.
To truly understand how people react to losing a loved one, it has to be experienced. An integral part of life is the experience of loss. How we handle it is unique to each of us. The more awareness we have the more we realize our behavior is being influenced by our feelings of loss not so much by other people’s actions or non actions. Today I’m cranky. Tomorrow I may be sad or lethargic. I’m doing my best to just go with the flow, refrain from judging and hold compassion for everyone saying goodbye to my mom.
I am reminded of a line from Shakespeare’s play, As You Like It: “All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts…..” I wish my mom a timely exit. She was a sweet woman who loved and was loved by all who met her. She had a good life with dreams fulfilled and no regrets.
Until you return, fill your days with GIGGLES, JOY, and APPRECIATION!
SylviaSilk, D.D. Director of the Institute For Balanced Living, Los Angeles,CA, USA
DoctorofDivinity, SpiritualCoach, ReconnectiveHealingPractitioner, Writer
I appreciate your post today. I, too, have felt angry, cranky, sad, lethargic. I just can't seem to shake it. And today I have a cold. It's so not like me. I attribute it to Uranus going into Aries coming out of Pisces where it has been for 7 years, and will be until 2018. I also attribute it (and that) to my dog passing away. I can attribute it to a lot of things but the bottom line is, I am feeling the way you are feeling. Safety in numbers.
Your blogs are wonderful and I appreciate them, and you. I'm sorry you are going through what you are going through. There must be bigger reasons for all of this. Much love, Harriette
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Your raw honesty touched my heart, Sylvia. It's great you are respecting your feelings and that of other family members. This is not an easy time, I know. You seem to be handling it extremely well. Thanks for your authenticity during this difficult time.
Many blessings to you, your mother, and all other family members.
Love, Lonni
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As one who recently lost a loved one, of whom I was never the inner circle, this was fabulously written. It really captivated the emotions and underlying dynamics of the whole experience. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably with us all. Love, Debra
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