by Sylvia Silk, June 2009

I have had a very deep spiritual awakening.
It looks at me every morning when I wake up.
It devours me in its embrace.

It accepts me.
It likes me.
It wants me.
It loves me.

And what do I do?
I’m uncomfortable.
I push it away.
I say I’m too busy to be with you.
I’m afraid of what you will want from me.
Am I up to giving it to you?

I want it but I don’t. I’m torn, split in half. It hurts. Do I have the courage to surrender myself totally into the embrace calling me forth? I’m so afraid.

But I must say yes. It’s what I’ve dreamed of. It’s what I’ve prayed for. Why am I not leaping into your arms and melting into your vast emptiness losing myself to find union, wholeness, truth?

The tears stream down my cheeks.
My eyes are getting puffy.
Here I stand on the brink of understanding who I am, of disappearing into unconditional acceptance, of losing everything in exchange for freedom.

I am immobile, frozen in place. Still, silent, breathless.
I wait.     I wait.     I wait.

I take 2 steps backwards.
A decision forms.
I close my eyes and leap into you, hair flying and arms reaching.
I land I know not where but it is soft, warm, gentle, unexpectedly joyous.

This is love. Why was I so afraid?
Why did I delay and deny myself for so long?
I deserve this. I can have this. I’ve earned this. I love this.

So this is love – this face, this grin, these dancing eyes that shine so warm upon me and sweep me away to places I have never been before.

I am here now. I am experiencing the fullness of being one with you.
I am free at last. 
I’ve come home.


Sylvia Silk, D.D. Director of the Institute For Balanced Living, Los Angeles, CA, USA
Doctor of Divinity, Spiritual Coach, Reconnective Healing Practitioner, Writer