Eighteen years ago today, April 19, 1991, George and I stood before the preacher and made vows to love, honor and cherish each other.  Those years have evaporated like footsteps on the sand that are erased by the ocean currents.  All that is left are memories and who we have become under the blaring light of love that has shaped us into who we are today.

My selfishness – gone!  His insecurity – gone!  Two wounded souls, injured from former marriages and life itself, formed a team of two to first heal and then blossom into compassionate expressions of love. For love is the healer if you stay the course and don’t bail. Love heals you if you can withstand the antics of the ego and the strengthening of the soul.

Marriage is not easy. It requires daily attention and diligent practice making choices that put your partner first. Ego wants to put itself first and that destroys marriages. Maturity is disciplining the ego to stand down, so love can rule. When your partner gets what they need/want, what you need/want will come to you in right timing. You have to trust that with your faith in the power of love.

Eighteen years ago, I was a selfish bride. My ego was in control of my free will and it wanted what it wanted and it wanted it now!  George was an insecure groom.  His ego had him convinced I was too beautiful to want him and any moment I would leave him for someone better.  So with my focus on me-me-me and his focus on “she doesn’t care about me”, we had some tough years starting out a marriage.  These positions seem so real in the moment, but they are not real. They are just protective borders to keep love out!

One day I realized what I needed to do to make this marriage succeed.  I used my free will to flip my focus off of me and onto George. I decided to make sure he got what he needed/wanted and I let go of my attachment to what I wanted. And George didn’t really need all that much from me. He just needed reassurance every day that he was important to me and that I cared about him. NOW HERE IS THE TRICKY PART.  I can’t give him what I think he needs. I have to be a detective and find out what to do or say that translates into “I care” to George!  In fact, the answer I discovered was the exact opposite of what my selfishness was willing to do.  “No way!” my ego declared.  Well, I had to override my ego with determination, choice, practice and do it anyway. It was the key that opened both our hearts to let the love flow in and out.

With time and repetition, George allowed himself to “feel” that I really did care about him. When he was convinced I was not going to leave, his insecurity vanished. Once I focused on giving George what he needed and wanted, my selfishness vanished. The doors opened wide for me to do anything I wanted to do with George’s support. Ego tries to convince you that if you don’t “fight for what you want” you will never get it. But it’s not true. Surrender, non-resistance, letting go is how love operates.  From an ego perspective, it makes no sense. From the perspective of love, it is what works.

Until you return, fill your days with GIGGLES, JOY, APPRECIATION and NON-RESISTANCE!

Sylvia Silk, D.D. Director of the Institute For Balanced Living, Los Angeles, CA, USA
Doctor of Divinity, Spiritual Coach, Reconnective Healing Practitioner, Writer